I felt like ending this work week on a humorous note....

by Sean Overpeck

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were:

1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel.

The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these Liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.

Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are and were always symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.Another interesting evolutionary side note: Most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood, and group therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Coast Guard Officers and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe that Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America.They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.......

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off....

by Liz Berney

Pat Buchanan recently wrote an article with the absurd claim that Iran is only a threat to Israel and not to the U.S., and that the U.S. thus should not concern itself with this threat.

Israel is not the only one who warns of the Iran nuclear threat. Iran's nuclear program continues to raise the concern of the U.N. Security Council (U.N. Resolutions 1737, 1747, 1803 and 1835), the International Atomic Energy Agency (see http://www.isis-online.org/publications/iran/iaea-iranreport-111908.pdf, the 2008 IAEA report that Iran is continuing its enrichment activities and refusing to provide access requested by the IAEA), our European allies (who have attempted to negotiate with Iran regarding its nuclear program for the past 6 years), Arab nations threatened by Iranian nuclear capability, and U.S. interests.

It is estimated that within a year, Iran will have the ability to launch nuclear missiles at our fleets in the Middle East. In addition, it is estimated that within 2 to 3 years, Iran will have the capability to launch a nuclear missile at major U.S. cities from far offshore. Iran's solid fuel missile launch this past week should alarm all of us.

The Iranian leadership hates, targets, and foments hatred against American democracy as much as it hates Israel. The "Death to America" demonstrations at Teheran University, led by Iran's Ayatollahs, are readily available for all to view on youTube. (Buchanan should take a look before he makes ridiculous remarks about Iran not being a threat to the U.S.)

A U.S. President should do everything possible to derail the Iranian nuclear threat on his own iniative to protect the safety of the U.S. fleet and mainland. When Netanyahu encouraged Obama to take appropriate action regarding the Iranian nuclear threat, Netanyahu did all of us who want the U.S. and its fleet to remain safe a favor.

by Dacia Nichol

What does it mean to be a responsible American? In today's age of bailouts, welfare, and other categories calling for an open hand, we're seeing a sense of entitlement beyond any sort of justifiable reason. It is one thing to accept the precipitations of capitalism and provide some type of buffer from the very bottom of the bin - after all, the world needs "ditch diggers" too and having a crummy job that needs to be done by someone doesn't mean you deserve to be thumbed down by the entire country. But when does the buffer become the very means of survival itself? When does the hand up become the expected hand out? When did we decide that the government owed us tangible goods instead of just the pure liberty sought by the citizens before us? When did we trade personal prosperity for a government provided version?

We always hear the rhetoric about what the Founding Fathers intended for this country, so instead of repeating the same points or pushing an interpretation agenda, I'm just going to sum their vision with three familiar concepts not up for debate:

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

I don't recall there being any sort of asterisks on those concepts. The quote isn't "...life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness...as provided by government." America has always been about the opportunity to be anything you want to strive for - equality in opportunity, NOT outcome.

I've seen bumper stickers, t-shirts, comedian acts, Radio City shows, television ads, and even pop songs that all seem to be centered around blaming someone else for every problem that exists in the world today - in particular, George W. Bush. The man had his problems, and his policies are fair game for criticism. That I will give you. But when you blame the president for your credit card bills, your children's lack of a father, your McJob, or even world hunger - darling, it's time for some self-reflection.

For the 2008 elections, we saw the massive uprising that rejected everything that Republicans came to represent - nation building, illegal spying on citizens, spending, and amnesty...just to name a few. In order to disguise the fact that all of the hated policies happened to be what were once traditionally liberal ideas (American liberals I mean), the socialist left demonized a single man as being the root of all evil. Little Kimmy failed her spelling test - damn that Bush. This line at the airport is taking forever - damn that Bush. My hospital bill is so ridiculous - damn that Bush! We all want to be mad at someone - let's try looking within. Did you need those new sunglasses? What about that cruise and the 10 bottles of Vodka you went through every week? I don't think a big man in a black suit was hovering over you as you swiped Lady Visa at the checkout.

Let me use a broader example - if the government was able to wreak all that havoc in just 8 short years, then where the heck were we, the American people? Why are our politicians gallivanting around the country, running with children's ideas of a better world that have done nothing but plunge us into debt and killed our chance at happiness through skyrocketing taxes? Who's fault is that? We're not even paying attention to what our elected officials are doing, so how can we blame them for what they're doing to the extent that we have? There's no one to blame but ourselves - our corrupt government is a direct reflection of what American responsibility has become. It's time for us to be accountable as citizens and in doing so, hold our officials accountable for their actions. American responsibility needs to make a comeback in 2010 and 2012.

We must remember that the principal instrument of government is coercion and that our government officials are no more moral, omnipotent, nor omniscient than are any of the rest of us. Once we understand the basic principles which must be observed if freedom is to be safeguarded against government, we may become more hesitant in turning our personal problems and responsibilities over to that agency of coercion, with its insatiable appetite for power.
W. C. Mullendore

by Thomas Craig

Pardon the pun in the title of this post.  I couldn't avoid it as immature as it is.  With all due respect to the former Vice-President, PLEASE GO AWAY!  I understand that Cheney has a desire not to go down in history as a man who violated and ignored the Constitution ove ra period of eight years.  He abused the powers granted to the Vice President's office and then abused the powers he CREATED for the VP's office.  He sanctioned torture and betrayed every principle that this Nation was founded on.  Now, to add insult to injury, he is presenting himself as a Leader of the Republican Party and is giving advice on how the GOP should shape itself going forward.  Dick Cheney betrayed the Republican Party and its ideals.  Listening to him (as well as most other Republican Leaders over the last eight years) on how to "fix" the Party is like taking advice from Hitler on how to solve the crisis in the Middle East.  Every time the man opens his mouth, Americans cringe.  If you don't cringe, then you haven't been paying attention.  Now one of Cheney's biggest talking points is that the Obama Administration is making America less safe.  I'm not going to argue whether that is true or not, however, I will argue that Dick Cheney is NOT the right messenger for this talking point.  President Bush has shown himself to be the smarter of the two by the sole fact that he has kept a low profile and is avoiding criticizing or defending his administration.  The mere act of commenting on current events by either Bush or Cheney takes away the focus from the Obama Administration and its policies.  That is where we should be focusing our attention.  The Obama Administration LOVES when Cheney speaks and they can only pray that Bush will come out and create a media firestorm.  By doing so, they can move forward with liberal agendas without the proper scrutiny from the media.  Distractions are the most beloved bedfellows of Politicians.  As I often express on this site, we need NEW Leaders to take charge of the GOP and point us in the right direction.  We all look like fools every time a Republican "Leader" takes the spotlight and tries to make a case for why it is okay for America to torture.  The United States of America SHOULD NEVER TORTURE!  We can make a case for setting off a nuclear bomb in Iran if we really wanted to but it would be ridiculous to advocate that.  Why?  Doing so would potentially save American lives down the road.  Why wouldn't we do it then?  Because doing so goes against everything that we believe in.  This all being said, I don't think it would do anyone any good to bring charges against the previous Administration.  What I would prefer to see is the current Administration look to correct some of the mistakes and begin to follow the Constitution once more.  I have not seen that yet.  The President much like his predecessor, enjoys the unconstitutional powers that the Office has slowly usurped over time and unfortunately, Congress is too blind and ignorant to do anything about it.  Now let's see some fresh news faces emerge on the GOP who will shine the light on THAT!